Story Of My Life

2011-12-04T20:09:00.003+08:00

I swear I miss this shit.

2011-11-27T16:28:00.008+08:00

Whenever I start typing my thought, I ended up hitting the backspace button and close the window. No I don't hate blogging. I feel like I'm in a mess whenever I start blogging.

But here I am, missing what I do best, sharing my thoughts and I would like to recap on my life since I went missing from blog in August.

This was taken last year on her birthday, and I know it didn't turn out the way you expected it to be. I'm sorry if you were hoping for a kickass birthday surprise. I just hope you enjoy our day as much as any other day we always had. I know it hurts you knowing that I had to be home early on our special day. I tried to get away from it and I tried hard to stay for as long as I could, but I have irresponsible people at home who just couldn't stay and help each other.

One year has passed, and we went through so much to be where we are today and I'm grateful that we stood by each other irregardless of how badly we fought. I just can't express how thankful I am, to have you in my life. For all those fights we had, it just makes us stronger and I hope we can hold on to this for many more years to come. Thanks for always being there for me, your never ending jokes would always put a smile in my face before I go to bed. I love you, Nur Musfirah Bte Jumrati. I'll do whatever I can to keep this going or I'll die trying.

Sophie Aarons is what I saved in my phone and I could still remember you telling me to stop calling you Titi. As much as I try not to, I'm used to calling you that. My brother may be far from us, but I hope that doesn't stop you from coming to me if you ever need help. We're like brothers and sisters, remember? I can't thank you enough for your endless support. I owe you, I wouldn't be enjoying my life as much I as I am right now if it wasn't because of you. So, if you ever need help, personal or monetary issues, I'm just a phone call away. And you were right, no one would ever love me as much as Firah did, I'll definitely treasure her.

I don't feel ashamed to let people know that my mum is in prison. And I don't hate her for going back in there. I've always hoped and prayed that she would change and make things right. I am disappointed that it was due to the same reason that she's back inside. But I believe this time, she'll repent and make things right. I've received and read all her letters, I just don't know how to write back. I'm just not good in expressing my feelings towards my family members. And for some reason I'm sure she wouldn't have to worry about us and that things would be done without being asked to. I'm just hoping for a better life come 2013.

December is coming! Another year coming to an end.

2011-08-12T02:31:00.005+08:00

August has been good to me.

First and foremost, I made an appointment with the specialist with regards to my knee. For the past 2 years, I've been experiencing a sharp pain on my right knee whenever I'm engaged in anf form of physical activities. And hopefully this would end it all.

One reason why I liked August among all is because it's my birthday. And honestly, never in my life have I ever enjoyed my birthday this much and I would like to thank everyone who made this happened. Especially my girlfriend who went through all the trouble to make my birthday a meaningful one.

I was blindfolded from Clementi Avenue 5 all the way to Pizza Hut, approximately about 10 to 15 minutes walk. Despite the crowd(peak hours), she still insist that I had to be blindfolded. And so I gave in, since it was part of her plan and that she doesn't mind people looking at her. That's how sweet she is. And being a resident of Clementi for about 15 years, I exactly knew where she was leading me, I could read with my legs. But nevertheless, I really enjoyed my birthday.

My girlfriend has been bugging me to accompany her buy a Liverpool Jersey and since national day is all about red and white, we decided to make a trip down to Queensway Shopping Centre. She was so excited that she wore the jersey right after buying it. And please get it right, it's "You'll Never Walk Alone" not "You Are Not Alone", I know you're a big fan of MJ. :P

10 August is the date I've been waiting for, it's what I wanted as a birthday present and I earned it. I wasn't happy with my performance but overall I'm happy that I aced it. And now I'm legally to ride.

Well it's only the 12th of August, I hope many more good things will come.

2011-08-03T15:11:00.004+08:00

It's been 9 months. I thank god we've come this far despite all the bad times we had. This is what I've been waiting for, one who I can spend my time with for the rest of my life. And I'm looking forward to many more months/years with you. Happy 9th. Not many of you have seen the number of sacrifices she's made for me. I did, and I'm doing everything I can to be the best.

And to all my muslim friends, Selamat Berpuasa. Endure now and you'll enjoy as much come 30th August

2011-07-21T15:50:00.001+08:00

After what I heard from Faris, I'm very unsure if I should feel sad or still angry.
17 years is what I went through life without my parents by my side, it's the toughest thing any children would have to face. I am not afraid or ashamed to share about my life, it's for all to know that not everyone, regardless of their childhood would go astray with the influence of bad people around them. Well, at least not for me and my brothers. I am what I am today thanks to my grandparents who fed me well. As for my dad, I'm proud that he's a changed man. From today till the day my mum walk out of that place for the last time(hopefully), I hope god will give her the strength to live on each day.

2011-07-14T03:02:00.002+08:00

Give me 6, 12 months, 1 or 10 years. I'll still say I miss my NS life, who doesn't when you have the best colleagues?

Luck haven't been good to me, at least, for the past few months. Been spamming alot of job applications but none replied and soon, I gotta surrender myself back to the SPF for reservist duties. Life in Singapore isn't as easy as it seems. Having thoughts of running to another country(I WISH I COULD).

Well anyway, there's something which I really wanted to share.

Not many would believe, not even god, not even herself that I've never found a love as perfect as this. I know it's hard to prove that I'm willingly to stay and carry this relationship forward but I'm trying my best as much. For all those ups and downs we've been through made us stronger to live another day still being together. I thank god for such a wonderful gift, someone who never failed to cheer me up and make my day. As lame and noisy as you can be, you're still the best and will always be the best I've ever had if I were to leave this world. I thank god, and I thank you for giving me a chance to walk into your life.

2011-03-30T12:33:00.005+08:00

When I was a kid, I am very ambitious and I had so many dreams.

As I grow older, everything seems to be fading away. I don't know if I'll ever make it in life.

I hate myself for leaving a good impression on others just because I have such innocent face, I'm not as good as what people thought I am. I can be anyone's worse nightmare, I'm just one of those bad person and I influence other people to be as bad as me. I used to be a heavy drinker but I don't smoke and I don't club, I never keep up with my prayers and I used to have this mindset that I'll eat whatever that doesn't contain pork. Well now you people know the bad side of me. I know I should feel ashamed of myself, because of my bad habits, I've caused too much damage to the ones around me. I thought I could be that type of person people would be proud of. I've never done anything good that I should feel proud about myself. This is why I really hate my life.

I miss how we used to be.
I thought I could live up to my promises that I'd change as much as I could at the shortest time.
I fail to do that but I've never fail to stop loving you even more every single day despite whatever we're going through right now. And I'll definitely stand by you until the day you chose to leave me.

2011-03-22T19:38:00.006+08:00

Okay, as promised to my gf, I will update my blog, well at least once a month.

So I'll try as much as I can to think about something to update.

Okay, well yesterday was supposed to attend Syawani and Syamira's netball tournament held at the Jurong West stadium. I decided to wake up at 8 because I thought we'll make it on time for the tournament but no we didn't. We made a wasted trip very early in the morning, the game ended just when we arrived. I could see the disappointment in Syamira's face. I felt bad, like really bad, Ive never been late for any of their competitions but this because none had started as early as this one. Well tomorrow they'll be playing again at the same location, since there's one straight bus from my place. I'll hope that I won't be late this time.

I've been released from the service of SPF just a month ago and they took my brother in last week. I feel happy that he gets the chance of being a police officer and go through what I've been through. And obviously I felt sad seeing him go, he's closest to me ever since we both moved to my aunt's place 3 years ago. I just hope he's doing good inside and stay out of trouble and we all are looking forward to his first bookout this Friday.

You might be thinking why am I still holding on to you despite the way you treated me recently. When I first asked you to be my girlfriend was the day I pledged to be by your side through good or bad times. Honestly I feel hurt whenever you think that I am not interested in the relationship when I am trying as much as I can to keep it going. You once told me you don't deserve any surprises from me but I beg to differ. You do deserve it and I could see you enjoyed almost every surprises I had for you and I'll continue doing so because I feel happy whenever you do. Yes, I'm lazy whenever it comes to attending seminar with you but I'm never lazy when it comes to loving you. Baby, you're the best I've ever had. I promise there will be more to come and I'm looking forward to seeing you and just remember what I've told you about life. God is fair. :)

I used to be a big fan of Prison Break because of the way the producers produce such good storyline. But sadly it has come to an end but definitely it's my one and only favourite TV series. And recently, the producers of Prison Break has produce another similar break out series which is called the breakout kings. Even though it's not as good as Prison Break, I'll definitely watch this.

Okay, lately I've been staying at home looking after my grandmother. I feel like I've been confined. I need to get out and look for a job, like seriously I need to achieve my goals for this year before 2012 comes. Apart from rotting at home, been cleaning, playing games, sleep and watching TV. Oh and not to forget EAT. I've been eating like alot, really. I have eating disorder.

Okay, I have to stop now because my girlfriend has been counting down the time because I promise that I'll sleep at 12:30.

March has been an average month for me, I'm looking forward to April.

2011-02-27T20:35:00.004+08:00

As much as I am enjoying my break, I am also looking for a job at the same time. I have already set my goals for 2011 which I hope I would be able to achieve all by the end of the year which will put me in school as early as April next year.

February has been a good month for me,definitely. Faris birthday was a blast, especially the foods.

Whenever there's camera, they will be there.

The cake was designed specially by the kids and I have no idea what in the world it is.

The birthday boy.

I remember the last time I went to Sentosa was early last year and the thought about it really makes me feel excited about going there again. And yes, I did but the rain spoiled the day pretty badly.

Of all the photos that we took, I personally like this one the best. No specific reason why. Heh.
Well anyway, through thick and thin, this girl has been there for me despite the way I treated her at times. I know it's too early to say that she is the perfect one for me but I'm sure as time goes by, we'll fall deeper for each other and that would be the only time we know that we're meant for each other. I'm working towards that goal, the only thing that I want you to know is that I'm here permanently not temporary. I'll never get bored of you and your kisses, hugs and words. Thank you for giving me the chance to start this beautiful relationship. Looking forward to the future with you.

2011-02-06T19:42:00.002+08:00

Today is the official day of my Operationally Ready Date. Back then I kept on saying that I couldn't wait for this day but honestly, it was hard for me to leave that place. Especially when you have the best supervisors and colleagues and I bet I'll never get the same people like them. But life has to go on for me, I'm done with NS and I got my freedom back. I'm just taking a break, maybe a week or two and I'll start looking for a job to pay off my bills and save up for school.

Well anyway, I really can't wait for the game tonight between Liverpool and Chelsea, I bet it's going to be an interesting match.

2011-02-03T19:20:00.004+08:00

Here's to all my chinese friends, Happy Chinese New Year!
I've been doing nothing ever since coming back home from work this morning. I need to rest because I have to go back to work for the last time tomorrow. Tomorrow will be the day I've been looking forward to and I will definitely enjoy my last 24hours.

2011-01-24T11:40:00.015+08:00

It's been 1 year and 3 months of my national service life in SOC and with just exactly 11 days to my ORD date. I'll definitely miss each and everyone of them and I believe no matter how irritating they can be at times, you'll never find another same batch of colleagues like them. I wish I had the same passion as you guys do, but I don't that is why chose not to sign on.

Just when I thought that I'd never achieve anything during my time in NS, it was only recently at the Dinner & Dance that I was awarded the Commander's Award 2010 for Excellence Teamwork along with the $90 Sportslink Voucher that I won in the Lucky Draw. And that night was the best night in my NS life. I know none of you are aware of my blog but I would still like to take this opportunity to thank each and everyone of you for all the countless support shown, especially when I had to deal with my family problems. Trust me, no words can describe how grateful I am to have you guys as my colleagues, I really appreciate it.

Kilo Bravo,
I wish you guys all the best in many years to come.

Well, let's move on to the next chapter. Back in ITE, I learned how to draw, I gained more knowledge about art and design before moving on the the advanced course which is filming. I swear I miss those days. Being me, I never give up trying new things and decided to put my hands on photography. For a first timer like me using a DSLR, it's never easy. I don't bother to ask but instead, having a PC at home is very useful. I don't always play games, I do research and my effort to learn the usage of DSLR really pay off. With the help of the internet, I'm improving as time goes by.

Photos taken during Musfirah's Birthday.

Photos taken around Southern Ridges

Photos taken at the Zoo

I'm not quite satisfied with the quality of the photos taken yet, I'm still learning and I'll keep on learning until I'm happy. Well apart from having a new hobby. I would also like to introduce someone who has changed my life.

This beautiful lady here, we've been together for 2 months. But it seems like I've known her my entire life. I thank god for this wonderful gift. She may not be the smartest, prettiest or the brightest girl ever but she's definitely the only girl I'd want to be with. I'm not gonna ask for anything more than having you by my side.

2011-01-23T22:00:00.003+08:00

A new skin, welcome back!
I swear to god I really miss this shit.
I'll give you a half year updates soon.
Well that means, I'm back to blogging.

2010-06-17T11:19:00.002+08:00

I was on leave yesterday, that means I've been at home from Monday till tomorrow. It's been a good week thanks to the rain, especially yesterday. I had a good rest and ready to come back to work.

I think I've decided, I'm not staying in the force after ORD. I shall set goals for myself and hopefully I'll be able to achieve it. I shall take up higher nitec course with a part time job to support my income. Well I just hope everything goes on smoothly as planned.

This year's world cup isn't as entertaining as the previous one, it's boring. Maybe because it's located in South Africa, I just think Europe is the best place to host the tournament. Well anyway, spain did pretty bad last night. With all the world class players in their starting lineup, I don't see any reason why they should lose to Swiss. Complacent? Maybe.. But whatever the reason could be, I'm rooting for spain to go all the way to the final.

I'm contented with what I have now. I shall not look back, I won't bother.

2010-06-08T13:45:00.002+08:00

I'm pretty much disappointed with my fitness lately, losing to someone who is twice my age is something that I should feel ashamed of. I've given the best of what I had yesterday, pushing myself while battling with the weather. Though it was only drizzling, somehow I feel I suck in running during the cold weather. I just gotta start preparing for the actual test which is in 3 weeks. Hopefully I'll be able to meet the requirements set by my supervisor.

Well anyway, it's June! August is just 2 months away and I know I won't be looking forward to celebrating my birthday this year because of work commitment. And there's gonna be so much deployment as of August. February 2011, please come soon.

2010-05-30T21:47:00.005+08:00

I think I've lose interest in blogging but nevertheless, I shall try to find time and update once a week at least. So yeah, here goes for this week.

We had our Company's Appreciation Lunch at Clementi Woods Sakura. The best part was knowing that you don't have to pay for the foods. It's nice, better than what you can get in Seoul Garden. Well anyway, congrats Bravo Company for being the Champion in Sports for two years running.

Counting down to my Operational Ready Date with just 8 more months to go, I'm still keeping my options open. I'm still considering if I should stay on with what I'm doing which I don't like or go out there and do things which I prefer to do. I don't know, seriously. I have the best colleagues ever but the way we work, I just don't like it. I gotta find a school pretty soon if I don't wish to carry on.

This year is gonna be the first time ever I'm taking part in marathon. Since I really enjoy running, I thought I should take part in this year's Standard Chartered Marathon but of course I'll be running the half marathon instead of full. It's a 24km run and I'm starting to imagine how my legs are gonna be like after the run. Haha! Well anyway, still a long way to go. The run will be in december. From now till december, I shall train myself.

2010-05-23T12:30:00.002+08:00

I kinda regret about what I did yesterday,
neglecting my leg and throwing myself into a tackle which landed me an injury.
I was suppose to take my physical test tomorrow but the injury is preventing me from going.
So yeah, I'm on medical leave today, trying to recover as soon as possible.
Well anyway, it wasn't even my fault. I'll have my revenge as soon as I've recovered. I'll let you know how I feel.

2010-05-19T19:28:00.002+08:00

Sorry for not updating for the last few weeks, nothing much for me to blog about.

I won't be blogging so frequently like how I use to.

Well anyway, life's been good for me, except for the fact that I'm getting lazier and lazier to drag my ass to work. I'm contented with what I have now and I have to thank them for the life I'm having right now.

2010-05-05T00:26:00.002+08:00

I was feeling bored when someone called me yesterday and that made my day.

I don't remember when was the last time someone actually called me in the middle of the night asking how I've been doing. And so we talked till late morning.

I was tired after yesterday's swimming session with my colleagues but couldn't get to sleep due to the noise pollution at home. Slept late and woke up late, and as usual I stayed at home the whole day. Watched Dear John, and I think it's one of the best love movie ever, a must watch movie.

I was thinking of typing a long post but then I couldn't think of anything to blog about. So yeah, I'll go get my sleep now. Good Night

2010-05-01T03:13:00.002+08:00

I've been staying at home for the last few off days, I just don't feel like going out. One is because of the scorching hot weather and the other is because I'm trying hard to save as much as I can.

It's the month of May, that means I'm 9 months away from my Operational Ready Date but yet I'm still very unsure of what I want to do.

2010-04-25T15:49:00.000+08:00

25 Apr 10, 11:23

Feka: Hello kid!!

25 Apr 10, 11:23

Feka: Hello boy!!

14 Apr 10, 01:33

:-)!: My advice to u boy!

14 Apr 10, 01:30

:-)!: Don't act like a ****ing kid!! Grow up n act n think like a ****ing adult!!

whoever wrote this, if you think that I'm the one who tagged your fucking 'hot' friend on her tagboard then I got nothing much to say cos I don't feel guilty at all. And u're very welcome to say what you want to say about me because I got all the time to entertain you shit. If you think that I'm a boy or a kid then you got to ask your parents to get you a fucking big mirror, big enough to see your whole body. You should feel ashamed of your childish act, going around using someone's name and tag. It's either you're not having a good life or you're just jealous. So if you still think I'm a boy, I shall admit it, well at least I'm enjoying my life so much more than you. Fucking grow up.

2010-04-23T12:14:00.002+08:00

This is the kind of treatment people get when you tell them what you saw and that they don't fucking believe you, thinking that you're making up stories just to create a big mess. Fuck, if I know I shouldn't have bothered, really. I can claim every girl to be my bestfriend, it's one of the good reasons to give. But whatever lar, I shall not bother anymore. Everything that comes from my mouth is a lie, forever.

2010-04-21T14:33:00.002+08:00

I had a bad dream last night, something which really woke me up in the middle of the night with fear. I'm not gonna talk about the dream because some things are better left unsaid. But maybe I can do something about it, like start being good.

So, someone have been using my name along with my link to tag on someone else's tagboard. That explains the hate tag on my tagboard recently. I'm still trying to figure out who did it, and I promise I will.

And to you, you might just regret what you did. Because I believe god is fair especially in dealing with people like you. If you think I need you, get a fucking mirror and think again. We'll see who will have the last laugh bitch.

2010-04-14T00:52:00.005+08:00

I was at the University Cultural Centre earlier today to witness the SYF Malay Dance and the two kids performed for their school. I'm very well impressed with their performance now compared to the last one. It was worth sacrificing my sleep to watch em, so young yet so clever in learning the steps fast!

Pay's in, but yet I'm not sure on what to spend on. But the only thing I have in mind are movies. And first on the list would be Ju-On because I like horror movies. Heh, besides watching movies, I really want to get that Liverpool jacket and swatch watch. Sigh.

I miss someone, someone who came to my life when the other someone broke my heart 3 years back. The promises we made, I still remember em. But I'm not expecting anything buther return would mean so much to me. I just hope she's doing good. You know you've always been the best in my life.

Last but not least, ever since that incident which took place last month. Well some of you know and some don't. I realise that I've changed so much, like what phees said, both good and bad. Good as in a stronger person now while my temper is getting from bad to worse. Having too much heartbreaks can lead to a major change in oneself. I think I'm going through that stage right now. Hopefully I'll get out of it sooner or later.

Currently addicted to:

2010-04-04T19:53:00.003+08:00

Seriously, I don't give a shit about what you're gonna tell me about my brother because I've had enough of it. I don't want to know anything. Because no matter how much effort you put on trying to blame my brother, I'm not gonna care. He's my brother and of course I want what's best for him. Please, the best thing you could do is, leave me out of your problems. Don't ever get me involved again.

And to you, whatever happens between you and him, stop blaming others.
Just because of one dick who messed around with your life, you're calling all other dicks a fucking jerk. I don't like your style.

7 more days till my next pay swims in, should I spend or should I just save? Obviously spend because I'm very bad in saving money. Heh

2010-04-01T16:24:00.004+08:00

I have a friend who thinks that for any guys who keeps a blog,is a gay.

Well I think blogging is another form of releasing your stress. Which means whatever good or bad things happens in your life, you can choose to share it or keep it all to yourself.
For me, I've been sharing almost everything, hoping that none will follow the bad things I've done.

Lately I've been trying to study the use of my brother's Canon EOS 100D, and honestly I'm still very unsure. Oh anyway, please don't ask who I went to the beach with because I'm not gonna tell.

It's April, a month to make a fool out of your friends.

2010-03-29T22:36:00.003+08:00

I've so much things in mind that I hope I'd be able to get em before I ORD, basically because I'm relying on my NS pay to buy me wants and needs. The other day I was really interested in the Liverpool Jacket worth $120 and then now I want to get a watch from Swatch. And I think the list will keep coming in weeks/months to come.

2010-03-26T18:30:00.002+08:00

The other day I was looking to buy a new bag for work when I came across this Liverpool Jacket which I really really feel like buying. But when I look at the price tag I was kinda shocked because the jacket is worth $120. Well I hope someday I'll get my hands on this jacket. Heh

2010-03-26T10:49:00.002+08:00

Saw this cool water spout off east coast beach during the PSA Biathlon.
It was canceled due to thunderstorm.

2010-03-19T23:59:00.005+08:00

I re-edit this photo to share a story.
Come to think about all the things I've done in the past, I'm really regretting it now. Like inflicting all the stupid pains onto myself. Now I realize I should have done something better, something worth the praise from everybody and not getting all the people around me worried sick. If I could make one wish, I'd wish to live life again and walk to the right path of life.

I learned something new today which I've been trying to figure it out for the last few weeks.
No matter how much effort I put on to do some research, I still couldn't get what I wanted. So then today I asked Syairah, who is good in Photoshop skills, to teach me what I'm dying to learn.
Well now I just feel like sticking to 'design', because it gets more interesting as you learn. But then I got to see what's best for me, even if it means giving up art,design and filming, I would.

The last few days I've been too busy sleeping, that explains why I've not been updating much lately.

Mosaic Festival was okay, not as good as last year's Beats And Breaks.
Maybe because I was too tired that I find it very hard to enjoy the music. And honestly, up till today, I've not had enough rest since Sunday. No matter how many times I go to sleep, It's never enough. And I'm gonna be super busy for the next few days, which means lesser rest. Well I gotta hang on to it, because once everything's done. I'll get to sleep as much as I want.

Oh yes, got myself a new Fossil wallet and a new Nike bag, I'm having all my pay to myself. :D

2010-03-12T22:19:00.003+08:00

Young and The Weekend Vigilante will be performing again this Sunday at the Mosaic Festival which will be at the Esplanade.
To those of you out there reading this, do come down and support if you're free. Well I'm sure most of you are since it's on Sunday.

2010-03-08T19:04:00.002+08:00

So far they are the only bunch of great people that I've ever worked with.
Coming from different backgrounds with different characteristics, they've taught me how life should be like despite the shits you're going through because I believe that there are people who are going through worse than us. I'm very grateful.

2010-03-06T21:17:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I wish there's no obstacle coming through our way, because you're the only friend I feel very comfortable talking to.
I kinda miss hanging out and sharing everything with you.
It feels like I've lost a very good friend,
someone to accompany me shop, someone to accompany me eat till I drop.
I just miss those days.
When I received a text message from you earlier, I felt very happy, even happier when you wanted to meet me for dinner. Even though it didn't happened, I'm glad to know that you remember me. And you know I'm just a call away if you need someone to talk to about anything.

2010-03-02T18:00:00.003+08:00

Can't believe it's already March, super damn fast.

Well anyway, been sleeping all day, I feel very tired after being forced to wake up at 6AM for a morning run. Seriously, the craziest shit I've ever done. And whenever I feel very tired, I'll tend to take the wrong bus back home, today was the fourth time.

Yesterday was another movie before going to bed at work, and this time was My Ex, a Thai Horror movie. Quite bored and complicated but I just couldn't resist watching horror movies all the time. Heh.

I really enjoyed the month of February, till I forget to finish the monthly return without knowing it's already March.

This is soo cool.

2010-02-28T01:32:00.001+08:00

One of the best movies so far, it's really awesome.
It's so cool to be a ninja, how I wish ...
Haha

2010-02-24T21:17:00.003+08:00

Saw something on yahoo which is really really demoralizing. And it's the official opening ceremony of the Marina Bay Resort which is on the 27th April. Well people may be asking why I'm so demoralize, because the opening of the Resort, along with the Universal Studios will add more responsibilities at work. More responsibility means more work, more work means less sleep and so on.

It's been a tiring day for me, not having enough sleep yesterday plus swimming early in the morning makes me feel even more tired. But I really can't get myself to sleep, not at the moment.

2010-02-19T10:23:00.002+08:00

If the reason why you came to my blog to see if I've been talking bad about you, you can stop worrying cos I won't anymore.
I'll give you the freedom you wanted.

2010-02-18T14:06:00.003+08:00

I really miss those days being a student. I miss school. With just 11 more months to go, I'm still very unsure on what I want to do.

2010-02-16T02:01:00.003+08:00

I've been staying at home for the last few days, and here I am today, at home still trying to recover. Well actually I'm tired but yet I couldn't get my ass to sleep. So I've been watching movies all day;

It's 0212am now, and the last movie I watched wa Drag Me To Hell, I was thinking of watching another one before heading to bed but my eyes are already too sleepy so I think it's time to get some sleep now. Will continue the movie marathon-ing again tomorrow. I don't think I'm living a wasted life, when you stay at home means you're safe. And of course, you save alot of money. Since saving money was one of my resolution, I shall try hard and save. Alright, good morning.

2010-02-15T12:29:00.002+08:00

You know babe, no matter how far or how untraceable you think you can get, i'll still be there, reading your blog. See how technology is so advanced nowadays. Don't call us stalkers, call us smart.

'To you: I tght u understand but im wrong.
yes, i hurt u in e past but like i told u. Things
cant be force, it may come and go. Now with
u still talking shit about me all i can say is
Thanks cause u just make me feel like a
bitch. i hope ur happy now.'

If you think I still care, well, I don't. I'm moving on with the mindset of you not existing in my life before.

2010-02-13T19:55:00.003+08:00

I really want to go out today,
it's Saturday and also Chinese New Year's Eve.
But then again, my body is not allowing me to go, I'm still having flu and cough for like a week now.
And with the weather is being so unfair, It's better that I stay at home and rest because I have to work tomorrow. Seriously, I've never ever liked working on Sunday. Been staying at home lately even though pay is in, It's a good thing actually, helps me save my money. Heh

2010-02-10T13:23:00.005+08:00

All of this wouldn't have started IF you could just keep quiet and stop assuming things without knowing the actual facts. If no one talks about you, then please, do not assume that he/she is talking about you. I hate to say this but I really have to, knowing you was the biggest mistake in my life. For everything that you've done to me, the pain and suffering, don't worry, am not interested in taking revenge against you because someone up there knows how to deal with people like you. I believe in karma.

So I was cleaning my room earlier and found this!

Haha

2010-02-07T10:03:00.005+08:00

2010-02-07T00:16:00.001+08:00

Been having flu and cough for like days now.
So yesterday, I actually wanted to get some medicine from the Poly and then to work but then I feel super lazy because I know I can always rest at work. It's been a tiring week for me, really. And now I'm like suffering because I don't have any medicines at home. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.

2010-02-04T23:17:00.003+08:00

I was suppose to stay at home and recover, but then I realize I should be going out instead of staying at home and rot because my first off day was burned due to some deployment. Well I'm still tired, my legs are still recovering after what happened on Tuesday. Not anymore of those shits please?

I'm not trying for forget you completely, I'm doing everything for a reason. I know how much of a pain I was back then. It's already the 3rd day that I never drop you a msg, it's tempting to text you but I'm learning to control myself.

Oh yes, thanks for spending the day with me. Really enjoyed the super damn long walk and talk.
And thanks for listening to my sorrows.

2010-02-03T21:22:00.002+08:00

After what happened yesterday,
I seriously learned my lesson the hard way. And I realize how much 'rest' is so important in every human body. For freaking 7 hours, I almost couldn't walk again, I just felt like giving up. No food to resupply the energy in my body, just plain water to keep me hydrated. For 7 hours without food, it's the craziest shit I've ever gone through. I'm really tired, very very tired. Just came back from work, and for the first time I had to work for more than 36 hours than the normal 24. Well, after all, my job isn't as simple as it seems.

I can't deny that I'm missing you day after day,
I mean, things are so much different without you around.
I can no longer tell you how I feel about you or how much I miss you because I don't exist in your life anymore.
I could only tell the people around me.

2010-01-26T21:15:00.002+08:00

I'm taking everything slowly, hopefully I'll be able to get my life back on track.
Because no matter how much I try to win you back, you'll never notice it.
It's painful to be the one crying all day and night while knowing in my heart that you're enjoying life and going to work with a pair of swollen eyes. I'm not trying to be sarcastic here, I'm just happy for you and even happier if you walk out from the past because I know you will enjoy life more if you chose to forget whatever happened in the past. There is someone out there who wants you as bad as I do, but I'm learning how to control myself. But I just hope you won't give up, I'm your past, I've done my job trying to help you. I'm pretty sure there's someone who would be able to get rid of your fake smile, replacing it with the original. Failure is the mother of success, it doesn't mean you'll keep failing again and again. Give yourself another chance, keep trying. You'll find the love of your life. I'll be here to give you my blessings. I'm happy that I was able to help you even though I failed. I just want to see you smile, not frown. If you treat me as your friend, make me proud, get over the past and move on. You're in 2010, not 2006. I'll take this time to thank you for sharing your joy with me, for being there when I need you the most. Thanks for showing me how meaningful life could be. If I were to continue thanking you, it will last through the night. I have a lot to say that I didn't get the chance to. It was great knowing you and the people around you and it's sad that I won't be able to see them again. Well anyway, I think I should stop before I broke down again, I wish you all the best in life, in everything you do. Take good care of yourself. I'll pray that you'll lead a good and healthy life.

2010-01-26T11:46:00.003+08:00

I really never expect you to apologize on behalf of her,
and the most touching part was when you thanked me for being patient and taking care of your sister.
And for all the advices you've given me, I really want to thank you for listening to my sorrows.
To be honest, I'm happy that I was once part of her, I was ever willing to help her with everything without any hesitation. Helping her was my priority because I know how sucky it feels like to be going through the period of trying to forget someone who means alot to you. I'm riding the same boat for the 3rd time.
I'm sorry because I failed to do my job, maybe I'm just not good enough for the job. Maybe there's someone better out there than me who could solve the puzzle in her heart. I'm sorry for being fucking useless.

I know myself, that I deserve no one but you. I can't deny that I am very2 happy whenever I'm with you. By just looking at your smile, it can turn my dark days into a brighter one. If only you know how much you mean to me. I've read the notes in he Itouch and I'm proud to say that the 'lucky'one will always be you.

All I can do for now is, pray and hope, like what your sister said.

2010-01-25T16:47:00.006+08:00

I lied about everything, I was all along alone while waiting for your break just now. Reasons for lying, because I wanted to see you.
I am feeling sick, I didn't have the energy to perform much at work.
I was all day feeling lazy and tired.
I couldn't sleep the whole day at work, and with little rest, I was out from 1am till 4am. It was the craziest plus tiring night ever. And right now, trying hard to get the sleep I needed but still couldn't.
Here I am feeling sick but yet I still offered to fetch you, because I'm worried sick about your knees. You're all that I could think of. I'm missing you.

You were right, I have friends who are there for me in good and bad times, and I don't expect them to be there for me all the time. I have to understand that they have their own personal life to settle with. There used to be baqir, who was like a brother to me but now he's no longer in Singapore, he's out there making money somewhere. And my other close friends like feka, haziq, phees and some other to name, they're all either busy working or schooling during my off days. I envy you because you have a big family, close relatives and your close friends. It's been only a month but I can feel the bond between them and you. I feel happy for you. I'll give you the space, privacy and freedom you've always wanted.

2010-01-24T00:46:00.000+08:00

You made me climb up to the sky and now you push me to die.

2010-01-23T13:07:00.002+08:00

10th grade **********

As I sat there in English class,
I stared at the girl next to me.
She was my so called 'best friend'.
I stared at her long, silky hair,
and wished she was mine.
But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it.
after class, she walked up to me
and asked me for the notes
she had missed the day before.
I handed them to her.
She said 'thanks' and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
I want to tell her,
I want her to know that
I dont want to be just friends,
I love her
but I'm just too shy,
and I dont know why.

11th grade **********
The phone rang.
On the other end,
it was her.
She was in tears,
mumbling on and on about how
her love had broke her heart.
She asked me to come over
because she didn't want to be alone,
so I did.
As I sat next to her on the sofa,
I stared at her soft eyes,
wishing she was mine.
After 2 hours,
one Drew Barrymore movie,
and three bags of chips,
she decided to go to sleep.
She looked at me,
said 'thanks'
and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
I want to tell her,
I want her to know
that I don't want to be just friends,
I love her
but I'm just too shy,
and I dont know why.

Senior year ***********
The day before prom
she walked to my locker.
"My date is sick" she said, "he's not gonna go"
well, I didn't have a date,
and in 7th grade, we made a promise
that if neither of us had dates,
we would go together just as 'best friends'.
So we did.
Prom night, after everything was over,
I was standing at her front door step.
I stared at her as she smiled at me
and stared at me with her crystal eyes.
I want her to be mine,
but she isn't think of me like that,
and I know it.
Then she said- "I had the best time,thanks!"
and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
I want to tell her,
I want her to know that
I dont want to be just friends,
I love her but
I'm just too shy,
and I don't know why.
A day passed, then a week,then a month.
Before I could blink, it was graduation day.
I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel
up on stage to get her diploma.
I wanted her to be mine-
but she didn't notice me like that,
and I knew it.
Before everyone went home,
she came to me in her smock and hat,
and cried as I hugged her.
Then she lifted her head
from my shoulder and said-
'you're my best friend,thanks'
and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
I want to tell her,
I want her to know
that I dont want to be just friends,
I love her but I'm just too shy,
and I don't know why.
Now I sit in the pews of the church.
That girl is getting married now.
I watched her say 'I do'
and drive off to her new life,
married to another man.
I wanted her to be mine,
but she didn't see me like that,
and I knew it.
But before she drove away,
she came to me and said 'you came!'.
She said 'thanks'
and kissed me on the cheek.
I want to tell her,
I want her to know
that I dont want to be just friends,
I love her
but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Years passed,
I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my 'best friend'.
At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school
years.
This is what it read:
"I stare at him wishing he was mine; but he doesn't notice me like
that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't
want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know
why. I wish he would tell me he loved me!"
'I wish I did too...' I thought to myself, and I cried.
Do yourself a favor, tell her/him you love them. They won't be
there forever.

I came across this story in facebook.
Just when you realize how much you mean to the other person, he/she is no longer there.

2010-01-22T19:24:00.003+08:00

I was suppose to go out, it was all planned.
To have fun, to get myself wasted and to visit some places which I never though I'd be going.
And so, with the plan canceled, here I am rotting at home on a Friday, and perhaps Saturday too.
Well, I just have to understand that my surrounding are all busy with their lives.
Thanks.

2010-01-22T17:08:00.006+08:00

Everything in life is connected somehow. You may have to dig deep to find it but it's there. Everything is the same even though its different. Somehow everything connects back with your life. The faces in certain places may be different, but the situation is the same. Irony is a hidden factor that creeps around us in life, letting its presence felt only after it has left. Picture back to a year ago and the situation you were in. Look at how things are different yet somehow everything is still in someway cognate. Everything connects together to form the balance of life, to maintain structure. Change is and always will be inevitable, but everything is relative, and all the moments and times in your life will come back around again, you just might find yourself on the other side of the coin. Things are always changing, as fast as everything stays the same.

You once told me you can't change but I believe everyone change.
Take adik for example, how she was back then and how you changed her to be a better person. You should feel proud of yourself cos I'm proud of you. Nothing is impossible in life if you believe in yourself and I believe in you, that you can be better.
You've helped the people around you and it's time for you to give them the opportunity to help you get over this. If only I could be there to witness you changing. Well I just hope I've convinced you enough that you can and you will change. I'll pray for you and I wish you all the best.

I don't really know what happened to you but after reading your blog, I can't help but worried. I just hope you're doing fine, really.

2010-01-20T13:19:00.004+08:00

Well if you think with the way you behave is gonna make me hate you then you're wrong.
I don't hate people for whatever reasons they can give me. If god is forgiving, who am I to hate people?
Everyone have egos unless you're telling me you are perfect. Like your ego about assuming things which are not true.
Well, I'm tired. I don't want to fight anymore.

2010-01-20T09:04:00.002+08:00

Annoying uh? Fine I shall stop telling you how I feel then.
From the way I see you dealing with this, it's like as if I'm nothing to you. Here I am still having the hangover of the breakup, there you are enjoying life so soon. Like wow, you're taking everything easily than I expected, from waking up early in the morning to send you to work, fetching you back from work to home and all those efforts I've done to build a stronger relationship, to you is like nothing of that really happened. So much for telling me you'll always be here to give me your support in everything. And so much for telling me that the next person that comes to your life will be the right person for you. Sometimes I wish I would fall, knock my head on the wall real hard and totally forget you. You're such a disappointment, none of this would have happened if you had chosen to listen to me. Seriously go and enjoy life like how you want it to be. Nobody's there to stop you from doing anything anymore. Just take care of yourself and send my regards to everyone I know.

2010-01-19T20:57:00.003+08:00

The last time they came to Singapore, I didn't have the chance to see them perform and now that they're back again, I still don't have the chance to watch them. Ha, I'm out of cash. Lol, should have save.

I'm thinking of taking leave this thursday, I seriously need to rest cos I've not been able to sleep peacefully for the last few days. I'm shagged.

2010-01-19T15:06:00.002+08:00

I just came back from work and I feel very2 tired but I can't complain much because my work is all about sleeping.
It's just that I've not been able to sleep well for the last few days, don't ask me why. Too much things going through my head right now and I'm taking my time to deal with it.

I really think it's time for me to start motivating myself to run, like seriously, it's getting from bad to worse since I pass out from basic course. I feel like I'm much more heavier than before. Well I AM going to run later, if I don't fall asleep.

The other day I was on my way back home and I found something, in which I though of returning it back to the rightful owner. But after knowing the person, I decided not to because people like them are making life difficult for us so fuck it. Call me selfish but I gotta stop being good. Try exchanging your life for the boy and see how it feels like being whacked.

2010-01-16T10:56:00.002+08:00

I feel sick, like seriously. Have not been able to sleep well and even eat. My jaw is still hurting like fuck.

2010-01-14T19:54:00.003+08:00

Thirteen months away before I finally finish serving national service and I'm already unsure about my future. I really don't know what I'm gonna do, back to study or just sign with the force. I'm really confused with my life now.

2010-01-13T18:11:00.002+08:00

"To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change always...Change is everywhere, and to ignore it would be to become disengaged and eventually obsolete."

2010-01-11T14:22:00.005+08:00

I've never said you were a burden to me and why would I want to think that way?
And if I really think you're nothing but a burden to me, I would have left you long long ago.
But have you ever think why I'm still here, offering myself to help you despite everything that has happened? I've never complained about how tiring it gets trying to help you because seeing you smile erases off all the tiredness in me. But what's hurting me is that after all that I've done, you're telling me you don't want to be a burden to me.? Seriously I think those are just excuses but since you prefer things to be your way den we'll have it your way.

I know I'll struggle along the way, and I know things are going to be different now than before.
Well at least I'm happy to know that you have your friends and families to help you go through this. You don't worry about me, I'll take care of myself. I just hope someday you'll find a better person than me and brahim.

I'm pretty much stressed with my life right now, it's in a big mess. I need some help.
So not looking forward to coming to work, evertime kena fuck. haiya

2010-01-08T22:55:00.003+08:00

2010 is not gonna get any better for me just yet.

January started pretty bad, there's work, family and you to worry about which is really affecting me. But I'm taking it slowly, hopefully everything would be over soon.

I know sometimes I'm being sucha pain but it really hurts me to see you living in the past while he's so over you. I've been through the same, there was once where I wanted to shut myself from the world but the effort from my friends touches me alot. Therefore I'm here to help you as much as I can.

Agh, I have to work tomorrow. It's Saturday you know. Sucks.
I even have to work on my birthday, lagi worse.

2010-01-02T20:20:00.003+08:00

It's the time of the month where my money is depleting. I have like 10 more days to survive with just $40. Hah, I really can't because everytime I work, I'd spend about $15 on fooood. Gosh, I really can't believe that I'm eating alot right now than before. Well I guess I just have to cut down on eating for the next few days till $$ comes into my bank again. Maybe from $15 per tour, I'll spend about $6 instead which means I have to forgo either lunch or breakfast. And talking about money, I've made a new year's resolution, listed in #2, which is to save as much money as I can.

AND, I have to work tomorrow. Not the best thing ever.

I'm starting to miss out everything, from the late night talks over the phone to the lame text msgs we exchanged, playing card games almost every possible places, watching movies. Seriously, I can list down em all if I want to. Those are just really great. Right now all I do is rot at home.

2010-01-01T18:40:00.004+08:00

I was actually gonna post my year message before the year ends but somehow rather things got messed up, which ruined my last few days of 2009, BADLY. And I'm not pointing fingers at anyone.

Well, first of all, I'd like to wish all my friends a Happy New Year, may 2010 brings in more luck and happiness. I hope you guys had a great celebration last night.

Well, it's gonna get a little bit emotional now,
I don't like it but I really have to let it out, maybe I'll feel abit better.

God knows how much I'm missing you right now, things are so much different in my life when you're not around. I couldn't eat or sleep well, and seriously since I woke up last morning for work until now, I could only sleep for 2 hours. Which means I've been awake for almost 30 hours now. I feel tired but I couldn't get myself to sleep, I feel hungry but could never stuff anything inside my mouth. I'm greatly affected by the sudden breakup, perhaps I'm too stressed up right now to think about sleep or eat. Now that you're no longer by my side, who's gonna go watch movies with me? Who's gonna accompany me have my late dinner with me? Who's gonna watch the full moon with me?
Seriously, I really can't think straight right now, before this I knew what to blog about but suddenly every single words seems to disappear just like that.
I miss you.
:(

2009-12-29T20:03:00.003+08:00

I'm just pretty unlucky to be working on a day where everyone's counting down to a brand new year.
And since I can't celebrate New Year, I've decided to celebrate it alone tonight!
Yes, I'll probably won't be sleeping at home, will be somewhere, wherever comfortable place and call it home for the night. Heh. I'm excited

2009-12-26T22:59:00.007+08:00

It's Saturday, yet another boring one, all thanks to my sickness.

Well actually I'm still sick and I'm being good by staying at home and recover before work starts again on Monday. Been sleeping, facebook-ing, tv-ing and dota-ing all day, that happens whenever I'm at home.

So yeah, on Thursday, which was Christmas Eve, I was in town. Have the sudden urge of towning for a moment. But before that, fetched gf from work and she decides to go National Historical Museum or whatever they call it. They were having a 'Mummy Exhibition', it was fun, I mean knowing about something which is not found in Singapore is really interesting. But I just don't understand what does Mummy and Beatles have in common?
After the exhibit, met my twin brother, not related by blood. He was my camp mate, we share the same look. Haha.
After that went down to Clark Quay where it brings alot of beautiful memories with wasted kids.
How time flies. Sighs.

Baby, I want you to know that you're the best thing ever.

2009-12-25T00:53:00.002+08:00

Merry X'mas to all

2009-12-24T09:27:00.002+08:00

It's the Eve Of Christmas and thank god I'm not working since I have to work on New Year's Eve which is seriously not so enjoying for me when everyone should be enjoying.Anyway, can't complain much though. I'll just enjoy counting down to 2010 at work. Heh.

I'm awake early in the morning because of the cold rain, furthermore, I'm sick since two days ago. No fever, just flu and cough. For the past few days, I've not had enough sleep because my flu irritates my sleep. Since I'm already awake, I wont force myself back to sleep but instead go out and have fun. Hopefully the rain stops pretty soon. Please

2009-12-11T21:47:00.003+08:00

It's Friday, and unlike any other Friday, today is the most not so interesting Friday for me.
Well actually I spend most of the time at home rather than outside, I'll have myself to blame for spending too much last month. I have to start saving, really and hopefully. Heh.
I was out in the afternoon, at westmall watching my gf's performance and then back home, how boring.

And I'm so not looking forward to tomorrow, who likes working on weekends? And worse, New Year's Eve, It's like the most memorable day of the year and yet I have to fucking work. How unlucky.
How I really hate work but I have to force myself.

I don't hate you anymore and I don't wish for this hatred to go on without any ending.
I don't really know what started all this but seriously I'm tired just thinking about it and I don't want to go on criticizing you or your bf here because that's not the right thing for me to do. We're both humans and we should well enough know what humans deserve, which is respect. So yes, I was wrong to have said whatever I've said here or facebook and I apologize for that.

Okay, It's almost time for bed. Good night!

2009-12-08T23:26:00.002+08:00

Who likes working on a Sunday?
Especially when you have a 24 hour work shift with nothing much to do except Sleep, Tv and Gym.
Well for some, maybe sleeping is the best thing to do but for me, I can't really get myself to sleep especially in the afternoon. Yes, for the first few weeks I thought I'd love this job but after a few weeks I realized I should be doing something much more worth the time. Sighs, but too bad, there's nothing much I can do about it except complaining to myself.

With 14 more months to go, I'm still considering whether should I pursue my dreams of studying aboard or stick to the line and work for the government. Because I believe in time to come, it'll be more harder to settle down with a stable job. With just Nitec in my collection, I don't think I can get any further.

2009-12-05T08:50:00.003+08:00

To youknowwho:
Haaaaha, seriously, just what is on your mind? Would you even bother to say it here when you said you cant be bothered and you know I couldn't care less about the 'actual story'. Well thanks, I'm having a real good time with my life right now, am no longer suffering under you. I fucking wasted 1 year while you were enjoying.

To youknowwho:
I'll tell you what I achieve from it, you forgot someone actually spit on your sorry face before? I'll be happy to be the second one. And ohh, I was fucking stupid to have send you all those bloody messages on facebook and I was so fucking stupid to have let you cheated me but do you think I'd still bother to send you those messages even if I'm not attached? No, the only way for me to get over you was to know what's happening and it took almost a year before your boyfriend appeared and told me everything. Yes, everything came crashing down at first but the night where I burned all your pictures was the best night I've ever had.

2009-12-04T22:40:00.003+08:00

Omg, It's already December and we're few more weeks away to 2010.
Well, 2009 has been a pretty bad year for me.
Not gonna share why cos I'll end up writing an essay instead.

Work is really not what I expect it to be, but too bad, there's nothing I can do about it except serve for the remaining 14 months.

After almost a year suffering under your hands, I can finally set myself free.
Like seriously, I'm not your toy, it's not hard to tell me that you're attached and things wouldn't have gotten out of hand. But instead you chose to feed me as I bleed, keeping me in the dark. You said I'm a pain but if you think back, had you told me about your status, would I still fucking bother to be a pain in your ass? Well anyway, congrats, you made me look like a fool for a year plus. If that was what you're trying to achieve then you've earned it. And honestly, when I saw you the other day, I felt like spitting on your face. If only I don't belong to the blue uniform, I would have done that because I think you deserve it. But I'll leave it all to karma. Despite the shits you've done towards me, I don't know how you're related to this hamzi, I'd still give you my blessings since he said you belong to him now.

2009-11-16T13:03:00.002+08:00

This is what happens when someone tries to find fault with me.

Muhammad Hamzi November 6 at 3:40pm Report

hey im Hamzi here i want to ask you nicely to stay away from her...i really dont want to make a big deal abt you trying so hard to win her hard...seriously i dont, so plz dont force me im sure we are both mature enough..if you think you know her that well...im sure you are damn wrong im still with her when she is with you for a couple month ...i have known her and been with her for more then 8 years so plz stay away from her...i dont want her to complain to me abt u disturbing her everytme..so plz just stay away and thanks for doing me a big favour.

Shafiq Epain November 6 at 11:03pm

Look, if you're saying you are 'mature' then think again cos if you say so then you won't be sitting at home, infront of your computer screen sending me lame messages on behalf of her, instead you should come to me face to face and talk. And did I ask how long you knew her? I dont give a fck abt it. I dont know who you are and how you're related to her. Convey this message to her, yes I will fuck off and i'm an asshole but she's a bigger asshole than me. She has finally shown her true colors. She's a bitch afterall. If you're offended than too bad cos I don't give a shit.

Muhammad Hamzi November 7 at 7:50pm Report

ouhk is it...then whos the one is that PATHETIC sending those lovely and hopefull msg to my gf n if u think shes a bitch or what??guess what???? i dont give a fucking care abt wat u think...so u want me to meet u and settle this out once sure when and where????????????

Shafiq Epain November 7 at 11:46pm

oh hello again, thought you wouldnt reply. Haha, omg, you're funny, I'm laughing my ass reading your msgs each time. Oh, back to your question, If I fucking know she was your girlfriend, do you think I'll fucking care to be the 'third party' like you did the last time? In case your forgot, you said this "im sure you are damn wrong im still with her when she is with you for a couple month", seriously I'm not like you, I have my own dignity. And now that I know she's your girlfriend, trust me, I will never have the same mindset as you of stealing someone else girlfriend. Didn't your girlfriend teach you not to talk to me? Ahh, about the meeting, I'm only free the week after next. And the venue would be Blk 134, Bukit Batok West Ave 6, we'll talk over lunch. Oh, bring your sexy 'girlfriend' along.

Muhammad Hamzi November 8 at 3:13pm Report

yah sure will talk..text me again

I'm not trying to say he's stupid, I'm not perfect either but if you read the msg again and again, you'll notice something wrong with it.

2009-11-07T10:42:00.002+08:00

This is going to be my last post before I eventually remove my blog permanently.
So first things first.
My heart goes out to rasul for being strong despite knowing his mother had left him.
I mean as far as I know, a mother's presence is important to every child.

To you,
If you think you feel proud of what you did then congrats.
Like finally I know the truth, I can easily move on now.
A bitch will always remain a bitch.

2009-11-01T13:15:00.002+08:00

That's it, I am gonna erase the word fishing from my dictionary.
Am not gonna fish anymore because I'm tired of it, back then I fish because it's the only way to release stress but now I think it's the other way round. Heh.

So, it's the first day of work tomorrow, 24 hours ++ of work and I really don't know what to expect from it.

There are many places I want to visit but there's something which is stopping me, and that is your presence.

2009-10-24T23:10:00.002+08:00

These are tempting, especially when they appear right infront of my eyes. Haha.
Well anyway, the bottles are meant for display only, not for drinkng(I guess) because there's like about 7 bottles few weeks ago and now left with only 4.

With just 3 more days to go, I can't help but feel excited. :D

2009-10-22T21:05:00.002+08:00

"Treasure whatever you have in you now because when you lose something, it's the only time you start to cherish those moments."

This was a piece of advice to me from a handicapped person who lost not only his loved ones but also some of his body parts. I feel for him.

2009-10-17T21:09:00.002+08:00

11 more days and I'm done.

2009-10-11T02:52:00.002+08:00

I don't really know if I should sign on and stay on the line or get back to study once I'm done serving. It's been always my dream to further my studies but I'm afraid by the time I'm done serving, I'll lose interest in studies which I hope it wont happen.

I just came back from midnight show with some of my secondary schoolmates.

Darah is a freaking shit movie, and to watch it in the middle of the night is what everyone should do when it comes to horror or gore movies.

2009-10-10T00:51:00.002+08:00

Another week full of crap.
After 6 weeks of training, I was close to get kicked out just because my mind is not focusing much on what's happening inside. I've not been performing really well since last week.
I was at town earlier in the evening and took the wrong train back home, I was too confident that I didn't bother to check before boarding. The same thing happened last Friday, I took the wrong bus from camp.

I really think I'm under too much pressure, with not much rest, for sure I'll go crazy someday.

Have I tried enough or have I not tried hard enough?

2009-10-04T20:09:00.000+08:00

It's been a week full of crap and shit.
I don't wish to talk about it.
6 weeks down, 3 more to go.

I'm tired from all these mind games, but my heart says don't let go.

2009-09-27T19:43:00.002+08:00

Not in the mood to blog, at least for now.

Where are they? Where are you?

I need to talk to you,

you know who you are.

I feel fucking lousy right now.

2009-09-21T10:46:00.002+08:00

I would like to wish a Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri to all my fellow muslim friends/officers.

2009-09-16T19:56:00.003+08:00

I've been picking up alot of injuries since day one of training.

From leg to hand and the latest was my neck yesterday.

It was only until today that I really cannot tahan the pain that I took a day off.

With 5 more weeks to go, I can see myself pulling through the course, hopefully nothing bad happens.

2009-09-12T17:02:00.002+08:00

Check out this month's episode of Crimewatch or probably News 5 on any of these days.

Did some acting. Heh

2009-09-11T22:23:00.003+08:00

Thailand's Healthy Lifestyle Advertisement.
Funny!

And, to those having difficulties contacting me, just drop me a msg and I'll get back to you as soon as possible because my prepaid is currently low and I don't wish to top up. So, a msg on my phone and I'll get back to you. thanks!

2009-09-05T23:05:00.002+08:00

A stay home Saturday, it feels like shit.

But at the same time, it's good because I don't have any cash right now to think about having fun.

So yeah, first week of course was fucking shit, I was about to cry out there and the only thing in mind was god,home,sleep, family and your loved ones. And it's just the first week with 7 more weeks to go. I no longer take my posting as a punishment but to make me a stronger person.

Forget about yesterday, forget about how we met and forget about everything.

You'll see the last of me. That will be the last effort from me cos everything I do, you never appreciate it. I was fucking tired last night and yes, nobody forced me to go, I did it against my own will because I bloody THOUGHT that would be the only way but hell you proved me wrong.

2009-09-04T23:27:00.002+08:00

When I said I was there, I really mean it.

Just what do you want?

How would you feel if you were me?

2009-08-29T11:23:00.009+08:00

The photo below was taken with a normal digital camera, so it's quite blur.

It was a whole day of fun and excitement yesterday.
Started off the day with breakfasting somewhere near Beach Road. We were behind time, the time they served our food was about close to 7:50 I guess. I don't blame them, we were late.

After breaking our fast, head down to Geylang Bazaar. It's only the 6th day of Ramadhan yesterday and hell the crowd waas unbelievable. Saw alot of familiar faces, Irin, Feeza, saw Irishah's family but didn't see her. Shakirah was somwhere in the crowd with her brother but didn't saw her either. Heh.

We were actually wasting our time sitting down with nothing on mind what to do next and someone came up with the word 'bowling'. So from GEYLANG, went back all the way to Bukit Batok CSC.

I'm not good at it but at least I tried hard to avoid losing. Heh, so yeah, after bowling we played pool and the day ended at about 4am. I've to stop thinking about enjoying for the next few weeks. Have to prepare for Monday's course. And I might not be updating for the next 6 weeks depending on how tired I am.

2009-08-28T17:11:00.003+08:00

I shouldn't have taken MC if I know staying at home could be boring.

I'm rotting at home. Hah.

The only thing that's possible for me to do is sleep and online.

I'd rather go back there, at least down there I'd be able to improve on my fitness.

But then again, course starts on Monday so I shall not risk myself.

Was bored and watched GS2, It's better than the first sequel.

2009-08-24T21:26:00.003+08:00

Sorry for not updating for the last few days.
I'm not lazy, just tired. It's not easy to cope with the intense training in camp while fasting at the same time. And I felt very dehydrated just now but there's nothing I can do, I'll never take half day unless I really have to.
Well, I don't feel wasted knowing that I can't celebrate Hari Raya even though IF I endured one full month of fasting. It's already my job and I'm still under training so I shouldn't be thinking of it that much.

So with my eyes shutting down pretty soon and since there's nothing for me to do now, I should be going to sleep soon as I'm done updating which is now.

2009-08-19T22:23:00.002+08:00

Don't just think about the bad side of me,
whatever shits or wrongdoing I did to you. People learn from their mistakes and it's where they start to change. Don't look at me as though I'm still the person you first met.

2009-08-18T20:29:00.006+08:00

Nurul Aisyah,
I'm done with your game,
I'm sick of telling my friend and even you on how much I've missed you.
You can ask Fyfy, Shakirah, Phees or even Haziq.
Ask them how much I've been talking to them about you or telling them how much I've been waiting for your return.
How I wish you were the one who answered the first call, maybe things would have turned out differently. I bet your mum wouldn't be expecting a call from me either. No matter how tired I was last night, I stayed up quite late hoping you'd call back.
If god is forgiving den I don't understand why can't you forgive me for whatever shits I've done back then. I'm not begging you to do that neither am I forcing you to forgive me if it's beyond your limits.
10 months might just be 10 weeks or days to you,
but to me, I went through ALOT within that 10 bloody months but yet the same old story again with you not replying to my msgs.
I know I've done my best just for that ONE chance from you and I believe I deserve it. But I guess you're still not satisfied with my sincerity, there's nothing more I can do. I'm no longer the old Shafiq you used to know.
I need to put an end to all these mental torture that's been torturing me all these while because if I don't den I'm gonna suffer double when my basic course as a Trooper starts.

And now I tell you honestly, by just looking at your photos, I can cry. If you think I've dump all your photos away den you're wrong. I still have those you gave me and more I've printed out months ago. I still have them in my drawer.

We might still be able to save our relationship or ends everything right here, right now. I've done and said what I need to. I've done my part, the rest, I'll leave it up to you.

Okay, being too angry isn't good for myself. I have to cool down. Saw this video on youtube which burst my stomach. Haaaha.

Goodnight everyone, I need to get my sleep now. Body's still aching everywhere.

2009-08-17T21:40:00.001+08:00

I have this feeling of calling you right now.

2009-08-17T20:01:00.003+08:00

I'm so fucking tired, really.
It's the first time of my life I was freaking pushed beyond my limits.
But I have to take it like a real man.
I was on the verge of giving up but the thoughts of you keeps me motivated to carry on further.
So, this is just day one of the training programme. There's still 2 more months to suffer.
I need to have that positive mindset throughout.

I realize something,
when you miss someone. You never know how crazy or crazier it can get.
I'm just controlling myself not to go to that level of craziness.
Okay I'm done, I'm freaking tired. I'm here staring at the computer screen feeling too lazy to wash up or even stand up. Need some motivation. Hahaha

Oh yeah, I've found the word 'exhausted' or whatever that has got to do with TIRED back into my dictionary.

2009-08-17T00:17:00.003+08:00

First of all, sorry for that tak perlu question I asked on msn.
Haha, well you know I keep forgetting things.
Well, Happy Birthday Prada. Sorry takde present, but someday I make sure I'll beat your score in Guess The Sketch again..! Haha

2009-08-16T22:53:00.002+08:00

I believe in myself that I can do way better than I'm doing in life now.
The next two months would be a hectic and intense schedule, whatever it is, passing the basic course is all I ever wanted. And I'll put in extra effort into achieving dream posting of mine even though I know I won't be able to enjoy this year's festive season and next year. But since the job was given to me, I'll do everything for it.

The day will come whereby I'll be able to forget everything like it never happened before.
With the help from my friends and families, I believe I can do it.
And when the day comes, don't ever think about it.

2009-08-16T10:45:00.001+08:00

For those whose been trying to contact me,
I'm sorry for not being able to reached through me. My prepaid is low. So, instead of calling, just drop me a msg and I'll get back to you.

2009-08-11T23:21:00.004+08:00

Haha, I don't know how smart can you get.
Trust me, you can go round telling people stupid lies but through me you can't.
Because obviously you're bad in lying.
I know it's none of my bloody business but as a good friend I'm pretty sure I know where I stand.

naq: hey...there..remeber me?btw congrate u found a new replacement..

First of all you ask him if he remember you and yet after I interfered you wrote,

naq:shafiq: wateva it is..and by the way idk both of u also

You can lie to your friends or whoever you think they can be taken in easily cos I'm the biggest liar.
I may be forgetful but when it comes to people like you, it'll never slip off my mind easily.
So yeah, you should feel honored. I'm wasting my time staying up typing this pathetic post for you.

Enough about it.
Okay, tomorrow would be the start of my new posting which means another 6 more weeks of residential. I can imagine how tough everything's going to be but for the sake of the nation, I'll just have to stay strong and be strong.

I so can't wait for this.
All right, I'm off to bed. Have to get my ass up by 6.30AM! Hopefully I'll be able to wake up OR I'll see cops coming to my place. HAHA. Good Night!

2009-08-10T01:21:00.002+08:00

The life I'm living is a very unhealth one,
because weekends after weekend, I'll have little sleep and will be out for the rest of the day.
And lately I came across this magazine about how people died for not adopting a healthy lifestyle. It's kinda scary cos usually every bookout I'll sleep for like 4 hrs, however scary it can be, it won't change the life I'm living.

Back then, I used to stay home almost everyday.
But now I felt like a whole new person and honestly it's rare for me to call someone who stays home a 'no lifer'.
No matter how tired my eyes and legs are, I have to make sure I enjoy the day itself before calling it a day. Hah.
The only reason why I'm doing this is to get myself distracted from a mental torture.